My boyfriend was on the bed nearby, using his presence to comfort me while still allowing me privacy. My husband was downstairs watching Hythlo, so I would not need worry about the baby.
I understand now that speaking you about this was a mistake.
You have a bias that twists your interpretation of my actions. You assume the worst of me, and in doing so place the blame on my illness without stopping to consider you may be wrong.
You do not seem to truly understand that my mere acknowledgement of aspects of my life being painful or traumatic is an incredibly new experience to me. I have spent my whole life believing my suffering is at best irrelevant and at worst deserved. I have always diminished myself and my needs in favour of helping others.
I am constantly fighting the belief that I am not allowed to feel these things. I am tired of fighting it, so I will return to my old methods instead.
I'm sure you'll blame this on me being childish, manipulative, and unwilling to take any blame or punishment. Fine. Think whatever you want.
You have never seen me for who I am, just what I have.
no subject
My boyfriend was on the bed nearby, using his presence to comfort me while still allowing me privacy. My husband was downstairs watching Hythlo, so I would not need worry about the baby.
I understand now that speaking you about this was a mistake.
You have a bias that twists your interpretation of my actions. You assume the worst of me, and in doing so place the blame on my illness without stopping to consider you may be wrong.
You do not seem to truly understand that my mere acknowledgement of aspects of my life being painful or traumatic is an incredibly new experience to me. I have spent my whole life believing my suffering is at best irrelevant and at worst deserved. I have always diminished myself and my needs in favour of helping others.
I am constantly fighting the belief that I am not allowed to feel these things. I am tired of fighting it, so I will return to my old methods instead.
I'm sure you'll blame this on me being childish, manipulative, and unwilling to take any blame or punishment. Fine. Think whatever you want.
You have never seen me for who I am, just what I have.