[Tony let out a loud growl of frustration and rubbed his face. He wanted to tear out his hair! He paced about the small space in front of the kitchen counter, not having anywhere else to go with Solus standing right there but unable to stay still either.]
I don't give a shit if she can heal it or if it was the hand or arm! I don't care about the stupid birds either! You're missing the damn point! I'm saying that it didn't make any sense to me at the time and I had a genuine reason to react the way that I did. It is absolutely insane to punch a wall to the point of bloody injury and then start talking about where someone should go put their ass down. That scene is an example of how this whole thing has felt to me.
[He wheeled around on the tall man and in two steps was nose to nose with the other man. (Or nose to.. well, Tony was much shorter than Solus but it certainly wouldn't seem that way given the size of his vehemence). As he spoke, he jabbed a finger at the man's chest.]
That's not true, Solus! I'll take responsibility for what mistakes I've made here, but that is an untrue and very unfair claim. I have shown it. How dare you say otherwise! I could've said to hell with her at that very first meeting, but I didn't. I could've had nothing more to do with her after she came to my house and told me she missed war and suffering! But. I. Didn't.
I kept trying. I believed in her- I still do! I still believe there is someone good and sweet and smart underneath all that anger and hurt and dramatics. I would never have have offered to share what I knew- telling her, I was not a professional and I was not anything more than someone who has dealt with this condition longer than she has- if I didn't care!
I've told her I don't think she has intended to harm anyone. I've told her how I thought it was wrong these things happened to her. I've told her intimate details about what I've gone through. I've opened up a part of my past, my heart, my shame and pointed at it so she could see it and hopefully learn from the mistakes I've made. I've emotionally cut myself wide open and I've been putting Gladio and myself through hell in doing so, just to try and reach her. So you don't get to come in here and question that. Not one more goddamn word about that, Solus. Not one damn word.
[He took a shaky breath and stepped back. He felt as though he were only barely hanging on by a thread, but they needed to finish this. He moved to the other side of the room where the kitchen table was and sank down on one of the chairs.
He waited another moment to calm himself again before continuing.]
I shouldn't have called her what I did. That was wrong and I admit it. But, the thing you need to understand is I had just shared something deeply personal and she immediately insulted me. I'm human and it hurt. So yes, I snapped and I rescinded my offer. However, I still went out of my way and gathered up all the documents I could find on the subject. I organized it on that zip drive for her and wrote some notes that I thought might help.
[He looked down and shook his head as he heard what he'd done to the girl. He put his head in his hands and sighed heavily. It confirmed something he had already learned about himself with Ignis and why he should never really be with Gladio. In fact, maybe he should pull back even further just in case.
He lifted his head to meet Solus' gaze]
There's a practice in my world called 'Alcoholics Anonymous'. It's helped thousands of people and has been around for decades. It's a charity group that people with a problem with alcohol can go and they get help from other people who also have the same addiction so they can quit. One of the biggest parts of this program is the sponsor. This is someone who has been in the program for a while volunteers to help a new person. They aren't a professional and all they have is their experience.
That's what I was trying to do for her. I don't know how or why we got so off base. I don't know how she even came to that conclusion given what I was telling her.
I don't believe she tells the truth as much as you think she does. I believe she tells the truth that she believes is the truth, but I don't think she actually knows what the truth is sometimes. I don't think she can see situations clearly. I think she hides behind that smokescreen of texts and politeness, saying a bunch of words but not actually saying anything genuine from her heart.
I think she is, perhaps for the first time, having to share love from a father and attention from a brother with another girl and is projecting excessively at Pyra. I think by doing that and other things she's hurting Reggie, Noctis and Pyra in a way that is extremely unjust and selfish. Again, though, I don't think she's meaning to do any of this. I fear if she doesn't stop she's going to lose something she's been longing for and will regret deeply.
[His gaze dropped to the floor and he sighed.]
I'm telling you this, because I'm done. Despite my best efforts, I can't do any more for her. You believe whatever the fuck you want. I've given this everything I could.
CW: AA meetings mentioned and language
I don't give a shit if she can heal it or if it was the hand or arm! I don't care about the stupid birds either! You're missing the damn point! I'm saying that it didn't make any sense to me at the time and I had a genuine reason to react the way that I did. It is absolutely insane to punch a wall to the point of bloody injury and then start talking about where someone should go put their ass down. That scene is an example of how this whole thing has felt to me.
[He wheeled around on the tall man and in two steps was nose to nose with the other man. (Or nose to.. well, Tony was much shorter than Solus but it certainly wouldn't seem that way given the size of his vehemence). As he spoke, he jabbed a finger at the man's chest.]
That's not true, Solus! I'll take responsibility for what mistakes I've made here, but that is an untrue and very unfair claim. I have shown it. How dare you say otherwise! I could've said to hell with her at that very first meeting, but I didn't. I could've had nothing more to do with her after she came to my house and told me she missed war and suffering! But. I. Didn't.
I kept trying. I believed in her- I still do! I still believe there is someone good and sweet and smart underneath all that anger and hurt and dramatics. I would never have have offered to share what I knew- telling her, I was not a professional and I was not anything more than someone who has dealt with this condition longer than she has- if I didn't care!
I've told her I don't think she has intended to harm anyone. I've told her how I thought it was wrong these things happened to her. I've told her intimate details about what I've gone through. I've opened up a part of my past, my heart, my shame and pointed at it so she could see it and hopefully learn from the mistakes I've made. I've emotionally cut myself wide open and I've been putting Gladio and myself through hell in doing so, just to try and reach her. So you don't get to come in here and question that. Not one more goddamn word about that, Solus. Not one damn word.
[He took a shaky breath and stepped back. He felt as though he were only barely hanging on by a thread, but they needed to finish this. He moved to the other side of the room where the kitchen table was and sank down on one of the chairs.
He waited another moment to calm himself again before continuing.]
I shouldn't have called her what I did. That was wrong and I admit it. But, the thing you need to understand is I had just shared something deeply personal and she immediately insulted me. I'm human and it hurt. So yes, I snapped and I rescinded my offer. However, I still went out of my way and gathered up all the documents I could find on the subject. I organized it on that zip drive for her and wrote some notes that I thought might help.
[He looked down and shook his head as he heard what he'd done to the girl. He put his head in his hands and sighed heavily. It confirmed something he had already learned about himself with Ignis and why he should never really be with Gladio. In fact, maybe he should pull back even further just in case.
He lifted his head to meet Solus' gaze]
There's a practice in my world called 'Alcoholics Anonymous'. It's helped thousands of people and has been around for decades. It's a charity group that people with a problem with alcohol can go and they get help from other people who also have the same addiction so they can quit. One of the biggest parts of this program is the sponsor. This is someone who has been in the program for a while volunteers to help a new person. They aren't a professional and all they have is their experience.
That's what I was trying to do for her. I don't know how or why we got so off base. I don't know how she even came to that conclusion given what I was telling her.
I don't believe she tells the truth as much as you think she does. I believe she tells the truth that she believes is the truth, but I don't think she actually knows what the truth is sometimes. I don't think she can see situations clearly. I think she hides behind that smokescreen of texts and politeness, saying a bunch of words but not actually saying anything genuine from her heart.
I think she is, perhaps for the first time, having to share love from a father and attention from a brother with another girl and is projecting excessively at Pyra. I think by doing that and other things she's hurting Reggie, Noctis and Pyra in a way that is extremely unjust and selfish. Again, though, I don't think she's meaning to do any of this. I fear if she doesn't stop she's going to lose something she's been longing for and will regret deeply.
[His gaze dropped to the floor and he sighed.]
I'm telling you this, because I'm done. Despite my best efforts, I can't do any more for her. You believe whatever the fuck you want. I've given this everything I could.
[And he still failed.]