astralera: (Default)
єяα ☉ ωαrrισr σf ℓιghт ([personal profile] astralera) wrote in [personal profile] runs_on_batteries 2021-03-12 02:16 am (UTC)

No, because they are usually not necessary. I do not intend them as a way to excuse any hurt I cause. I was trying to ask what to avoid speaking of, lest you get angry. You could not answer, so I judged the risk too high.

It was my wedding. There were rows of empty seats for family that I have not seen in two years and who I miss every single day.

She approached me at the reception. I told her about my siblings. I thought it was going well.

Then she said my brother had said they were family, and asked if that made us sisters.

It made me feel so sick. It hurt. I told her that I trust my sisters. I do not trust her.

She seemed sad and asked if that was too presumptuous. I said it was, because it was, but I didn't want to upset her so I told her why I don't trust her. I suppose I thought if she knew why it would help it hurt less, or at the very least help her understand the reasoning.

I don't know her. Over a year of chances and she's never let me get to know her, either, even when I still put in the effort to try. That is her right, but she cannot expect us to suddenly be sisters just because she is a part of his life.

We never had a relationship that would warrant her asking such a thing in the first place. To ask me on that day was offensive to me.

I cannot apologize because it would feel disingenuous, and she deserves better than a disingenuous apology.

I was always polite to the best of my ability, and have always respected their relationship even though I dislike her. Why was that not enough?

He loves her and she makes him happy. I respect that a great deal. It is why I removed myself from the equation once it was clear I couldn't force myself to like her. I tried to keep my distance but she is everywhere, and everyone loves her. She fits in very well. I do not.

Leaving seemed the most logical choice. I was the outlier, and offered them nothing of benefit—only detriment. Everyone would be happier without me messing everything up.

So I don't understand why they are not.

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