runs_on_batteries | IC Inbox/ Interactions 2.0

Deerington thing.
A dream guide.
They kept us safe in the dreaming.
Mine is Echo
She is a white weasel.

[He put his face in his hands and groaned. He was so not talking to a weasel. Noooo. No, he wasn't. That was just too stupid. That was.. ]

Fine.

Okay one moment sorry

[ It takes more than one moment, but eventually Era has settled comfortable with her back pressed against the back corner of the closet, and her hanging clothes moved enough out of the way that the view won't be entirely obscured.

The video feed is lit by the soft, diffused golden glow emanating from the weasel curled around Era's neck. It is largely obscured by her mess of curls, face tucked between a horn and her cheek. Its eyes are a bright blue, but no match for the bright blue of Era's, which reflect light in a way distinctly inhuman—the effect only heightened by the ring of white light eclipsing her pupils.

Her eyes being her most distinctive feature make it all the more obvious when she has her gaze downcast; shy, uneasy. Ashamed. The poor lighting at least serves to mask the weight she has lost since their last encounter, and the unhealthy, dull appearance of her visible scales.

Era lets out a clipped breath of acknowledgement, and lifts a hand for a moment in greeting before lowering it. ]

[Tony watches the screen and sighs. The background was the over-dramatics of a child but he had trouble fully believing she wasn't also trying to manipulate his emotions. It was like when Peter would have one of his massive breakdowns on the train.

He bowed his head for a moment and counted slowly to ten to make certain he was calm enough to deal with this.]

Era. We're trying this one more time. You don't know me like you seem to think you do, but I say dumb shit and I make a lot of jokes, but I'm a man of integrity and I keep my promises. When I give you my word, that means something. So you have, my word right now that I am doing this, right here, to help you. That's my goal. That's my only goal. And I've been through some of what you have- obviously not everything, but I've been through a lot of bad shit, you haven't either- so trust me. I can help you, if you let me.

Are you with me so far?

Edited 2021-03-07 06:18 (UTC)

[ She listens. It bothers her that he has made so many assumptions on what she thinks of him, but even if she had her voice she knows her words would be misunderstood. Perhaps it's for the best it's fled her for the time being.

Tony says a lot of things before he asks a question, and Era hesitates to answer. Is she responding to only the question, or agreeing to trust him?

She feels Echo readying to be her voice, but stops her. There is no point to it.

In the end Era offers a nod, albeit tentatively. ]

[Tony looks at them suspiciously for a moment but then continues, because he's been extremely brief with some very big things that need to be clarified. He'll press her for a response soon though.]

Okay, Era, you are clearly hurting and have been through a lot. You're young and you have a lot of strikes against you, but the fact that you're even trying to get better is a big deal. It means you care and it means you will get better from this point. However, you need to build skills, like those techniques you were asking for but you also have social skills you seriously need help with. The good news is, that's something you can learn too. If you let me and stop assuming the worst, I can help you with both of these things.

You know how it feels when you have an injury and someone moves their hand or steps too close to it? That impulse can stay even after the injury has healed. So when someone does something that might not be that big of a deal, to you it could feel like they just fired a cannon at your head. You overreact. It's part of the condition and you have to work against that knee jerk reaction. It's not easy and it'll take a lot of time and practice. I'm not saying don't defend or protect yourself, but there are ways to do that among allies that won't ruin the relationship.

One example of this overreaction is what just happened with Gladio. I don't have a talking weasel or monkey or dream beaver who can help me when I'm not well enough to reply to you. You may think you were the only one hurt by our last conversation, but Gladio was here to support me since that whole thing gave me kinds of symptoms. I was pushing through it so I could keep helping you though. He'd never share anything he heard or read and he didn't get everything. He just got the general idea so he knew enough to help me.

From what you said to him, I understand it felt like a betrayal and a violation of privacy. This isn't the first time you've question my integrity like this, so I need you to understand. I didn't just share it with anyone. I wouldn't share that information if I could help it. The only reason he knows is because I know for a fact, it won't go any further than that. He's one of the good guys and he wants only to help you too. I'll keep him out of this as much as possible, but since I'm not a doctor here, I'm just someone else who is also dealing with this crap, I may need some assistance on occasion. I can promise, it'll be as general as possible and it'll never go any further than him.

If you need someone like that too, I'd appreciate knowing who it is but I won't begrudge you for that. I'd just like it if you or that person to share what we talk about either since this is a level of trust on my part too.

Okay this time I really want you to say something back to me.

Edited 2021-03-07 18:19 (UTC)

« Hello, Tony. I'm Echo. » [ There is no movement of the weasel's mouth, but it's evident the voice comes from the glowing creature. It sounds ancient, yet so very young. The tone is almost unbearably loving; soft and gentle. Mellifluous. Rising and falling in a language that needs no translation despite sounding more akin to the haunting notes of a whale's song than human. ^(*) ] « She needs a moment to digest what you've said. »

[ And it's clear enough from the distant cast of Era's eyes that she is indeed going over it again in her mind. There is a reason she prefers communication over text, as it allows her time to process and re-read what what said, but she isn't incapable of spoken discourse—it just takes longer, and makes her feel somewhat uncomfortable.

With her charge clearly preoccupied, Echo takes advantage of the opportunity provided: ] « She is the saviour of two worlds, placed upon pedestal as hope incarnate. She strives for unachievable perfection, because anything less costs lives. »

[ Echo explains. There is more she could say, but Era is no longer distracted and she would rather not cause her charge undue distress. Even that small piece of information should help provide context, or so she hopes. ]

« Era says: "I did not have an overreaction. I had only ever spoken of my affliction with two others. Two. No one else knew. Without my consent you shared my most shameful secret, and all you are doing is explaining it away. You have not even apologized for it.

I am stupid. If I say something it is what it is. I do not lie, because it is distasteful. If you do not believe me, refer back to the fact that I am stupid. Lying effectively requires intellect. You assume I think I know anything about you. I do not. I only know what you have told me. The one making assumptions seems to be you.

And I don't understand what you are offering. I only requested literature on CRT. What is 'this'? What 'help'? All I need is the information." »

[Tony nodded, looking- for once- patient while Era thought. He rose an eyebrow at the news.]

I'd start looking for a backup plan.

[His attention goes back to Era when she starts speaking.]

Okay this isn't going to work if you can't take responsibility for your own actions. You're manipulative, you're smart, and you can't use that self-depricating crap on me to get away with bullshit. I will treat you with the utmost respect when you're being honest with me and yourself but I won't tolerate it when you aren't doing the same to me.

No matter how this goes, I'll send you that literature. What I'm telling you that you need is a teacher or someone who can help you use the techniques and call you out when you're lying to yourself. We all need that. It's not just you. It's how the brain works to protect us when we've been through trauma. You'll get better a little with just the literature, but you'll get better faster and more effectively if you have someone, like me, you can help guide you through this.

That said, I'm not going to force this on you. I realize consent is clearly one of those keystone problems you're... let's call it 'dealing with'.. so, that's the situation. You get the paperwork either way. You can a) treat me with respect and be honest with me and I'll help you through your recovery from your trauma and learn how to use those techniques and social lessons. Or b) You continue to believe you're on this pedestal of hope, hurt your friends by manipulating them with tricks you've learned from your coping mechanisms, and don't contact me again for any other reason, ever. Your choice, take your time if you want to talk that over with someone and get back to me. Whatever you decide.

[ Era listens, angry and confused. There is a muffled thud that startles her until she realizes it was her tail. Her brows knit together, lips going thin. She tries to speak on reflex, and the lack of sound only serves to frustrate her more— ]

« She is switching to text. »

[ The response doesn't come right away, as she takes a while composing herself before composing her message. ]

I tried video because you asked, but it is uncomfortable for me. Sorry.

My boyfriend would like learn as well, so that he can help me utilize the techniques effectively.

Is that acceptable?

[He rubbed his face with his hands frustrated when the screen went blank again. He is pretty sure this means he hadn't responded correctly to the hiding-in-the-closet motif she was going for.]

Fine. Who is he?

One moment I will ask.

Solus zos Galvus.

[Really? That guy?]

~~Did you just ask your boyfriend who~~

Okay. Hi Sully.

He is not reading this at the moment. Should I permit him to? I suspect he will speak to you at a later date in private.

That's up to you. I told you earlier I was okay with you sharing it with one other person you trust should you need to for assistance understanding what I'm saying or some other respectful reason.

So based on this so far, Era, I have agreed to send you information from my medical journals on PTSD, Cognitive Behavioral Theory and Cognitive restructuring Techniques as soon as I find a method of how to do so, probably tomorrow. You get that no matter what you say next.

My question is, do I have your expressed consent to provide you with tutoring on these topics plus social skills in a manner that is safe and supportive of both of our mental health?

I will be discussing things with my husband as well, however I will not be seeking his input for our conversations.

So long as I maintain the right to rescind said consent if I so choose.

Who is he again? And yeah, I reserve that right as well.

Okay with that out of the way, we have a lot to work out. What would you like to discuss tonight? We shouldn't try to do everything or I might blow my brains out.

Ardbert.

I have an ability I cannot control where I will relive another person's memory, or set of interconnected memories. It happens at random. The other person is fortunately unaffected by this.

In theory my boyfriend should be able to dampen it.

Really, he's one of yours too?

[Those two did not seem like the swinger types, but hey whatever they enjoyed. Either that or it wasn't just sugar and coffee that made Ardy squeamish. When he got the message he stared at it for a long moment unsure what to say to it.]

I meant of our issues, but this might work better.

Just so I know, you're wanting me to help you cope with this ability, right?

They are mine, yes.

I am warning you that I cannot guarantee I will not experience some of your memories as you lived them.

It does not happen too frequently, but it is a possibility that exists.

I see. Just by texting you could experience them?

No, it requires my soul to be within physical proximity of another.

It has only happened four times thus far in this world, which is a significant decrease compared to my home.

Let me get this straight. So you have a condition that you cannot control, that has made you take something that is personal and private from someone else four times without their consent, but you call it 'doesn't affect the other person'. But when I explained I had an issue out of my control that resulted in a breach of confidence but could reassure you that I was doing what I could to minimize any harm that had caused, you said I was.. what? 'Explaining away the issue'?

Explain this to me.

Edited 2021-03-08 05:40 (UTC)

Unaffected. As in physically they are unharmed. Psychologically they do not relive their trauma.

If they did not bear witness to my fits or I did not tell them what I experienced, they would never have known.

I have apologized to those involved, explained, and offered what recompense I could. I was more distressed over the invasion of their privacy than they were. They did not seek to hurt or punish me for it despite my giving them the opportunity.

They were satisfied with apologies.

[Tony thought that over for a few moments. It wasn't precisely what he wanted, but it was damn close. ]

Then you have my apology for your information getting shared to Gladio.

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oh right I suppose blanket warning for PTSD stuff all over this thread XD

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