Tony Stark (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
runs_on_batteries) wrote2022-02-14 12:37 am
runs_on_batteries) wrote2022-02-14 12:37 am
IC Inbox/ Interactions 2.0
[For IC messages/ posts in suggestion box/ 'I don't want to flood the comms stuff'/ etc etc etc.]
[For IC messages/ posts in suggestion box/ 'I don't want to flood the comms stuff'/ etc etc etc.]
no subject
I know how I've felt in the past when I was first handling this condition. I know how I feel now after dealing with this and getting professional help with it for years. I know how it feels to try and talk to her. I know how she reacts to what I say. I have evidence how others are being hurt by her because I've talked to them. I've seen how she treats and talks to Gladio. Those are the clues I have to work with.
The very first time I met her, I was invited over to her house just hours after arriving here. I stepped in, complimented her and the house, and told her I had two close friends who I had just left behind who were also the same race as her and she went psycho. She punched the wall, screamed like a banshee, and then walked off talking about tea and which seat cushions I couldn't touch. Sully, that's not normal behavior. That kind of 0 to 200 on the psycho meter is the problem I'm trying to help her with.
no subject
[Asked him, or asked Era; he doesn't clarify and either would have likely worked in the end, although no doubt to varying degrees of success.
Tony's description of his first encounter with Era, on the other hand, has Emet-Selch deeply dubious. If only for the way it happens to be presented.]
Were it so simple as you have made it sound, yes. But allow me to offer the insights you may have missed, in your haste.
[His voice still twists sharp and halfway cruel, even with something as relatively innocuous as that, and he lets it do so.]
I assume she instructed you to not sit on the armchairs. Those would be nearer to the lower level of the house, where the birds prefer to nap. And even you would no doubt have found their displeasure deeply unenjoyable had they woken.
[Given that they're allowed somewhat free roam within the house itself.]
As to the conversation... I doubt her actions were without cause. Thus, I present a scenario that seems to have escaped your consideration: your words caused her a momentary flare of anger and frustration. Enough to cause her to lash out, if but briefly.
[A breath of pause.]
You have felt that sort of anger at some point in your life, have you not, Toto?
[By the tone of his voice, the nickname is not meant in a particularly charitable way, though neither is it a direct insult.]
She would not, however, wished to speak further of it with someone nearly a stranger. Thus a desire to return to that which she had offered. She was allowing a chance for matters to continue. A chance to offer whatever it was she had originally offered. An offer you would have snubbed by leaving as you did.
no subject
[Well, more specifically he brought the point up several times in a humorous way trying to demonstrate how insane it sounded and didn't get much in the way of clarification.]
And no I didn't know about the damn birds until yesterday. Even with me asking, we could never get that far in the conversation.
[He rolled his eyes at the name. He was trying to ignore how amusing it sounded.]
I have. I did. Usually when I'm talking to her. I'm so fucking frustrated that I can't get through to her. I haven't been able to get even one point across to her because we can't seem to stick with it long enough to get from definition of terms to concrete concept she could take and use in her life. Everything I try to use as an example, she misunderstands or she takes offense to. Everything I try to use as humor to lighten the mood and maybe attempt to bond or.. I don't know, something positive, is like I'm talking to a wall.
I don't get it. The whole reason we did this was because we had a positive connection. I care about her or I wouldn't be trying so hard. I'm not doing this just for laughs, Solus. Help me, dammit!
no subject
[He can but guess, of course. Least of all because he had hardly been the one to tend to her injuries, afterwards.]
Nor would you have been expected to know of the birds. But let me ask you this. Would it be so strange to assume that there were chairs one might not wish a guest to sit in? And that one might not think to explain why?
[Especially, as seems to have been the case, if there had been something else that had provoked a strong emotional reaction.]
As to your declaration of care... you have certainly not shown it, through either deeds or words.
[He holds up a hand as that, as if to say that he's aware Tony might have a response, but that he's not finished yet.]
You have insulted her, belittled her genuine reactions to being hurt and in distress, rescinded offers on what would seem to be little more than spite, overstepped the boundaries she has carefully explained, and utterly failed to provide any explanation as to where yours might lie. You have shown her anger and frustration, and no matter how reasonable they might have been, you have done naught to give her reason to trust you. Naught to expect that you are anything but that anger and frustration, and with no sense of boundaries to guide her you have left her all but blind as to how she might avoid either of those things.
[A pause, though it's more to allow him a brief moment to take a breath than anything else.]
Do you know what it is you have done, in the name of help? You have caused her to believe that her emotions, that her pain is less worthy than that of others. Both those you have naïvely championed and those she might have known otherwise. That is not care, it is a cruelty, and one she ill-deserves.
[Another pause, as he takes a moment to simply breathe, pulling his anger back in, and drawing away from it as best he can.]
But let us assume that you have been genuine in your explanations. That you genuinely wish for assistance.
[And to be honest... he's not entirely sure on that.]
If you wish to help, you must learn to see her as a person. To shed your preconceptions and begin anew. She will be overly polite, yes, and has a poor grasp of humor. But she invariably tells the truth, long-winded though it may seem.
As for your definitions... if you must define matters, begin there. And for the love of everything you consider sacred, tell her where your boundaries are first.
[For a moment, it looks almost like he might be done, and then he begins again.]
But first, you will give her space. Both that she might begin to regain the ground that you have caused her to lose and that she might be allowed time to heal from this recent spate of emotional upheaval.
CW: AA meetings mentioned and language
I don't give a shit if she can heal it or if it was the hand or arm! I don't care about the stupid birds either! You're missing the damn point! I'm saying that it didn't make any sense to me at the time and I had a genuine reason to react the way that I did. It is absolutely insane to punch a wall to the point of bloody injury and then start talking about where someone should go put their ass down. That scene is an example of how this whole thing has felt to me.
[He wheeled around on the tall man and in two steps was nose to nose with the other man. (Or nose to.. well, Tony was much shorter than Solus but it certainly wouldn't seem that way given the size of his vehemence). As he spoke, he jabbed a finger at the man's chest.]
That's not true, Solus! I'll take responsibility for what mistakes I've made here, but that is an untrue and very unfair claim. I have shown it. How dare you say otherwise! I could've said to hell with her at that very first meeting, but I didn't. I could've had nothing more to do with her after she came to my house and told me she missed war and suffering! But. I. Didn't.
I kept trying. I believed in her- I still do! I still believe there is someone good and sweet and smart underneath all that anger and hurt and dramatics. I would never have have offered to share what I knew- telling her, I was not a professional and I was not anything more than someone who has dealt with this condition longer than she has- if I didn't care!
I've told her I don't think she has intended to harm anyone. I've told her how I thought it was wrong these things happened to her. I've told her intimate details about what I've gone through. I've opened up a part of my past, my heart, my shame and pointed at it so she could see it and hopefully learn from the mistakes I've made. I've emotionally cut myself wide open and I've been putting Gladio and myself through hell in doing so, just to try and reach her. So you don't get to come in here and question that. Not one more goddamn word about that, Solus. Not one damn word.
[He took a shaky breath and stepped back. He felt as though he were only barely hanging on by a thread, but they needed to finish this. He moved to the other side of the room where the kitchen table was and sank down on one of the chairs.
He waited another moment to calm himself again before continuing.]
I shouldn't have called her what I did. That was wrong and I admit it. But, the thing you need to understand is I had just shared something deeply personal and she immediately insulted me. I'm human and it hurt. So yes, I snapped and I rescinded my offer. However, I still went out of my way and gathered up all the documents I could find on the subject. I organized it on that zip drive for her and wrote some notes that I thought might help.
[He looked down and shook his head as he heard what he'd done to the girl. He put his head in his hands and sighed heavily. It confirmed something he had already learned about himself with Ignis and why he should never really be with Gladio. In fact, maybe he should pull back even further just in case.
He lifted his head to meet Solus' gaze]
There's a practice in my world called 'Alcoholics Anonymous'. It's helped thousands of people and has been around for decades. It's a charity group that people with a problem with alcohol can go and they get help from other people who also have the same addiction so they can quit. One of the biggest parts of this program is the sponsor. This is someone who has been in the program for a while volunteers to help a new person. They aren't a professional and all they have is their experience.
That's what I was trying to do for her. I don't know how or why we got so off base. I don't know how she even came to that conclusion given what I was telling her.
I don't believe she tells the truth as much as you think she does. I believe she tells the truth that she believes is the truth, but I don't think she actually knows what the truth is sometimes. I don't think she can see situations clearly. I think she hides behind that smokescreen of texts and politeness, saying a bunch of words but not actually saying anything genuine from her heart.
I think she is, perhaps for the first time, having to share love from a father and attention from a brother with another girl and is projecting excessively at Pyra. I think by doing that and other things she's hurting Reggie, Noctis and Pyra in a way that is extremely unjust and selfish. Again, though, I don't think she's meaning to do any of this. I fear if she doesn't stop she's going to lose something she's been longing for and will regret deeply.
[His gaze dropped to the floor and he sighed.]
I'm telling you this, because I'm done. Despite my best efforts, I can't do any more for her. You believe whatever the fuck you want. I've given this everything I could.
[And he still failed.]
no subject
[For other things, yes. But not, entirely, for having perhaps gotten off on something of a strange start. Still, if Tony expects him to be the least bit cowed by the sudden invasion of his space, he will be sorely disappointed. In fact, there's barely so much as a blink from Emet-Selch. Admittedly, by the way his scowl deepens the longer Tony continues on about what he has tried to do it's clear that he wants to continue on the topic that Tony has just told him not to, but to his credit he does listen. He's perhaps not the best pleased about the idea - not least of all because Tony's not the only person who has been having a difficult time dealing with the conversation - but he does at least refrain from mentioning that fact.]
But by all means, let us turn to this 'insult' she offered. [A pause, for effect and consideration rather than any direct attempt to modulate his own lingering irritation.] You are speaking of her insistence that her communicator is a device she values highly, yes? When you had previously shown a significant temper that resulted in at least one item having been thrown to the floor? A poor insult, by all counts, if indeed it can be called such.
[Too, he could say things about his assumptions about Tony's ego, if such a small thing had been enough to prick it to the point of it seeming like an insult. He does not. Irritated and angry though he might be, even he isn't much interested in needlessly winding Tony up, now that he is - at least nominally - trying to help Tony understand if nothing else.]
Nor should you assume that practices in your world will have an equivalent in ours. While it would have been simple enough to see that you had been offering your assistance, she would not have had the context to see it as more than that. Just what little she knew of you - from conversation and actions both.
[The good and the bad, and Emet can most certainly guess at which of the two has caused the two of them to end up at such odds. Though this, too, is not something he speaks of, although in this case it's because Tony's comments about truth have him scowling again.]
Then let me rephrase. She lies most often to herself. When she is speaking to or of other people, however, she is careful to present information neutrally; as much without bias as she can. To offer an account that is the truth of a situation. And if you cannot - will not - see that as anything but disingenuity than you will never come to so much as the barest hint of an accord with her.
[Another pause, and this time it is to rein his anger in again.]
She is polite because - I assume - it is how she was taught to be. She favors text because it is easier for her, and so she prefers it. Not as an attempt to mislead or hide the truth of how she feels. Surely neither is so unusual?
[A more considering pause, and then:]
As to the rest, I will grant that she may not have entirely thought her actions through. But the rest of your assumptions - and they are most certainly that - make it quite clear you have misjudged whatever she may have told you of the situation. And her, by extension.
no subject
You're joking, right? You and her honestly believe all of this was set off over her communicator? No of course that's not the insult I'm talking about! I was annoyed that she was making assumptions about my character at the time but no, that wasn't...
[He shook his head in disbelief and let the sentence drop with a sigh.]
For the record, a plate and someone's communication device that came from home aren't anywhere near the same thing. Also she could've just offered an alternative to get the information like the zip drive instead of making a big fuss about it. I just thought that whole thing was stupid.
Either way, that's all beside the point since it has nothing to do with anything. It hardly matters now why since it is clear that my health and well-being meant very little to either of you.
You're right about one thing though. I don't believe she 'presents information neutrally' and 'without bias'. I think that's complete bullshit, especially given the level of her mental health issues. However, I believe she is trying to tell the truth and she has a genuine desire to do right by others. If I didn't think she was a good person, I would never have tried so hard to help her.
As for texting, just look at how much confusion and headache that has caused us. How much of this could've been cleared up by her or I being able to read one another's facial expressions or tone? We already had enough staked against us, we didn't need to add more obstacles to get in our way. I just hope whoever she's texting next she isn't sending those oppressively long texts to like she did to me. That isn't fair to do to someone when they can't stop her from doing the texting version of verbal diarrhea. No one deserves that.