runs_on_batteries | IC Inbox/ Interactions 2.0

IC Inbox/ Interactions 2.0

[For IC messages/ posts in suggestion box/ 'I don't want to flood the comms stuff'/ etc etc etc.]

[Hmm.]

How do you know she is expecting you to be open and vulnerable to her? What is she doing specifically that would give you this impression?

Based on my experience with how overly dramatic you talk to me, I'm concerned with how your apology letter was anything but helpful or clear. If you were apologizing but not wanting forgiveness, what were you wanting from him? Alright, well, then if you've written them off then stay away from them. I'm telling you Era, you're being a fool though.

[He hopes for her sake that she ends up getting her issues together, she hasn't burnt this bridge completely.]

Those were two separate things. The passive aggressive messages were things I was betting you have been sending Noctis. I'd still bet that's what you sent him.

And yeah, I figured it was your closet. Who else's closet would you be hiding in? I told you this last time. You've learned some manipulative tricks to get people to treat you with kid gloves. I didn't respond correctly to your tantrum in the closet and that's why you switched it back to text. It's what children do, Era.

I apologized because I did not intend to hurt him. I wanted him to know that he has done nothing wrong, and that I am solely to blame.

I offered him a sketchbook I had made for him along with the letter, as the tenth day of the third month is a day I give gifts. You and Gladio should have received yours, too.

Do you think I am lying about my past? Making it all up as some sick bid for sympathy? That I have twenty-eight years filled to burst with memories?

I had a panic attack after learning that Gladio was informed of my personal details.

I sought solace in the dark, confined walls of my closest.

I switched back to text because I am suffering a bout of muteness and for all that Echo can be my voice I wanted to speak on my own behalf.

The only reason I attempted a video conversion in the first place was because you requested it. I dislike video conversations.

I am seven years old, Tony Stark. More than five years of which were spent in near endless bloodshed. I learned early on that my feelings and my pain never mattered, because everyone else mattered more.

Thank-you for reaffirming this. I will readjust myself accordingly.

Edited 2021-03-12 07:26 (UTC)

No I don't think you lied about your past at all. I think you have gone through something very terrible and you're hurting from it. I think you're defensive, angry, and you need help. I'm trying to give it to you. You seem unable to see reality clearly though and so sometimes I push at what you tell me because it doesn't sound right to me. I think there are things you can handle better and should strive to improve on.

If you were having a panic attack why wouldn't you reach out to either of the two people you're in a relationship with? That's what spouses and boyfriends/ girlfriends are for. Are you so proud you can't even use your Echo creature to talk on your behalf?

I think until you face this condition and take responsibility for your own choices, you're going to continue to hurt people you care about and live with this constant battle you're waging against every person who looks at you wrong.

I want to help you get there, but I'm also going to call you out when I think you're lying to me or you're lying to you. Even if I've disagreed with some of your choices here, haven't I been more respectful to you than I was before?

Yet another incorrect assumption.

My boyfriend was on the bed nearby, using his presence to comfort me while still allowing me privacy. My husband was downstairs watching Hythlo, so I would not need worry about the baby.

I understand now that speaking you about this was a mistake.

You have a bias that twists your interpretation of my actions. You assume the worst of me, and in doing so place the blame on my illness without stopping to consider you may be wrong.

You do not seem to truly understand that my mere acknowledgement of aspects of my life being painful or traumatic is an incredibly new experience to me. I have spent my whole life believing my suffering is at best irrelevant and at worst deserved. I have always diminished myself and my needs in favour of helping others.

I am constantly fighting the belief that I am not allowed to feel these things. I am tired of fighting it, so I will return to my old methods instead.

I'm sure you'll blame this on me being childish, manipulative, and unwilling to take any blame or punishment. Fine. Think whatever you want.

You have never seen me for who I am, just what I have.

I'm challenging what you're telling me so that you will tell me where I'm wrong. It's a method used with me when I started. I had a lot of impressions of how things in my life had gone and I blamed a lot of different people for things that had happened. With a doctor's help we worked on that and I'm doing the same with you.

I'll admit when speaking of Pyra I am struggling to see your point of view. I do see where she is closed off and I was listening when you kept correcting my statements. That doesn't mean I don't care about your view point and it doesn't mean I can't help because I care for her as well. My concern was more about the level of anger and blame you place on her. Or anyone, but she seemed to have gotten the most of your focus.

You're allowed to feel your feelings. You should. The problem is that the condition we share is that those feelings can sometimes be deceiving. They can be wrong and they can blind us from seeing things the way things truly are. I'll try to be gentler if that's what you're needing, but I ask that you try and at least consider what I'm suggesting too.

Otherwise, you're welcome to take your concerns to someone else. That's your choice.

If you want clarification ask. You needn't accuse me of something so utterly stupid.

For many months I had first encouraged—then eventually told her—to express her own thoughts and opinions rather than repeating those of others. The questions she asked me I would return and she would not answer them.

I stopped being so open with her. She continued asking questions. I would answer, but with facts and minimal personal information.

She constantly oversteps reasonable boundaries. One example being at my wedding, where the context of the conversation leading up to her question should have made it blatantly obvious, especially considering that we rarely speak and have never been close at all.

I do not care if she was excited by the prospect of my being her family. It was horrifically tone deaf and inappropriate. Upset, she shared with Noctis the things I told her but not what prompted me to say them.

I had told her she is evasive and even when she speaks the truth it feels dishonest, as though she's playing a role she never studied for.

She thanked me for being candid with her.

Later she sought me out privately over a month later to give me a wedding gift from her and Noctis to Ardbert and I. It felt like bribery and I could not accept it. I told her as such.

She has all the knowledge she needs to know that if she wants to foster a positive relationship that it will need to start from scratch, and conversations cannot be one-sided. I don't care what the conversations are about so long as there is equivalency, and she doesn't continue repeating the same inane gushing compliments over and over.

I was perfectly happy with things as they were before. Our relationship was polite, but distant. It worked fine. Then Noctis found out I don't trust her or like her and it has been a spiraling shitshow ever since.

I do not blame her for the way she is. What I blame her for is being told repeatedly what I have trouble with regarding our interactions, her acknowledging it, and then being surprised when I bring it up down the line after nothing has changed, as though it was the first time she ever heard it.

I wish her no ill will. I just cannot deal with her as she is. It is an incompatibility, and I am resentful that I was made to feel like it was solely my responsibility to make it work. I do not see why a cordial, impersonal relationship would not be acceptable.

You could say this situation has been the catalyst for my subsequent breakdown. It is better for them all if I am not involved in their lives, as all I am good for is hurting others.

Right now, it would appear you are very good at hurting others. To say that's all you're good for isn't true. You have a lot of potential. For instance, you seem to love science and might do something positive with that.

What you just wrote to me though, sounds like you've found someone to channel your anger at and vilified them. Tell me based on what you just said, where are you taking ownership for your actions because I don't see it.

Help me understand this time you had a cordial, impersonal relationship. The one before Noctis found out about you not trusting her. How did that go? What happened to make him find out about the lack of trust?

Edited 2021-03-12 18:34 (UTC)

If it sounds a though I am vilifying her that is not my intent. The intent was to explain why there is an inherent incompatibility between us. I am well aware that if there is a 'villain' here it is me, not her.

You do not see it because you have not been here for the year we had co-existed, where I had made sure to include her in gatherings I hosted, made her feel welcome to attend 'family' gatherings even prior to her more recent relationship, helped Noctis choose clothes for her in her favourite colours, even going so far as to have proper women's necessities made to her measurements as well as hand sewing her a dress she would enjoy. One of the few things I knew about her was that she enjoyed cooking, so I reached out for her assistance in cooking for my partner when I was incapable.

All of these things I did in an attempt to foster a possible friendship, but it was always imbalanced and uncomfortable. I then shifted to interacting only at gatherings where I would be polite and direct conversations to more scholarly subjects and away from personal ones. I would still offer the occassional piece of personal information when asked, and turn the questions back to her.

And I already told you what happened. It was my wedding. She told him what I told her. He contacted me and asked what happened. I told him. He told me all about how wonderful she is and to be patient with her and et cetera.

I am happy he is happy. I do not trust her, but he does. That is his choice.

I spent a long time putting in effort, trying to be patient, opening myself up despite my fears. In over a year of interactions she has always remained the same with me; unchanged. So all I see is a person trying very hard to play a part she never studied for, no matter how she may be to others.

If she is willing to have a proper conversation that is equal rather than one-sided, I am willing to listen.

If she would like to forge a friendship, so long as she does not assume that she has the same privileges from the start that my close friends have, I am not opposed.

I told him as much, because he is familiar with the way I speak and could relay the concept to her in a way to minimize her hurt feelings if he so chose.

So I am saying that I tried. Even before she moved on to Noctis, I put in the effort. I have not been given the same courtesy. I should not be the only one responsible for making it work, and should not be made to feel bad for it — not that that was his intent.

But it's irrelevant now, because I have removed myself from the situation.

I think I will go buy another house now. My comrade whose children I killed deserves somewhere comfortable to mourn them.

So you criticize me for making assumptions and then get snippy when I ask you to clarify something? You're exhausting to talk to.

Alright, you win. She's a dumpster fire and you're perfect. You're clearly the sane one. Leave that poor couple alone and I'll be happy. I don't even want to know what that last reference was about as I'm completely out of patience with you today.

Peace out.

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